Because every son wonders if they can kick their dad’s ass.

Eventually, every son reaches a point where they think, “I bet I could kick my dad’s ass.”

It’s the natural order of the world, going back to when the fate of the clan depended upon the might of their leader.

I remember my own dad regaling me with stories of his toughness when I was a young boy. Those stories stuck with me when I began questioning whether or not I could kick his ass.

“I’m pretty sure he boxed golden gloves…” I remember thinking to myself. “Plus he was in the military and he grew up old school…”

Standing there, on the precipice of manhood; intoxicated by the possibilities of my own awesomeness, I was still daunted by the greatness of my father. He played the long game well.

The trick is convincing your sons at a young age that you are invincible and then leveraging that psycological advantage when they are older.

Dad strength is completely predicated upon establishing a foundation of toughness in the eyes of your sons when they are little. I look for every opportunity to do so while my kids are still young.

“What’s that son? You need me to lift up the couch so you can find your Lego? NO PROBLEM!”

“See this huge book, boys? It’s an ancient artifact called a phone book, watch me tear it in half with my BARE HANDS!”

“Oh? You can’t open that jar of pickles? HULK SMASH PICKLE JAR LID!!!”

Someday in the future, when my sons are wondering whether or not they can kick my ass, they will remember that pickle jar and think twice about challenging my position as the alpha.

That’s really what it’s all about. I know that in this modern culture of ours that I’m not supposed to embrace these oppressive mechanisms of the dominant, patriarchal paradigm. But I don’t care. I am dad, hear me roar. Also, if you want the crown, you’re going to have to take it from me.

Someday, my sons will wonder whether or not they can kick my ass. More likely than not, they will be able to. Too bad for them, I know a thing or two about a thing or two and I’m working the long game myself. When that day arrives, I’ll be ready.