Stumbling through and the power of prayer.
Today I did a thing that I am unaccustomed to, I prayed. I held hands with a complete stranger, she lead me in prayer and it was awesome. It was awkward for me but like I said, I am unaccustomed to it. That said, prayer is something I need in my life right now.
A woman came into the restaurant today by herself. It was in between lunch and dinner and she was the only person in the restaurant. I hate being slow but the advantage is that I get to have conversations with customers like the one I had today. I can’t even say how we got on the subject of God and religion but when we did, I just felt a strong connection.
I should quickly make the point that I almost didn’t write this blog because I’m still not sure how I feel about this experience. I’m not a religious person yet I feel a connection to what I can only describe as God. Moreover, I am almost embarrassed to admit how good it felt to pray. Understanding that my hesitation to write this was informed by my fear of judgement by those who may view faith as a weakness is the very reason I decided that I should talk about it. I don’t know what I believe exactly, but I feel God’s presence in my life and I think that’s pretty great. It’s cool with me if you don’t but right now this is my thing and I’m going to pursue it.
So anyway, this woman starts telling me about her relationship with Jesus Christ, and her church and her favorite passages in the Bible. She was visiting Wyoming from North Carolina and just sort of taking in the sights. She told me of how she sat beside a lake near Dubois, reading the Bible and reflecting on life in quiet contemplation and prayer. She told me about some of the personal struggles in her life, which I don’t need to share here, and she told me how she prayed to God for guidance. Then she told me how she was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion until like a flood water it burst forth and she just wept uncontrollably. Afterwards, she felt only peace and clarity.
What drew me in was the absolute passion with which she spoke of her faith. It was beautiful. I can tell you that I feel as though her presence today in the restaurant was a gift to me from the universe and God. I was inspired. And so I asked her more questions and she, identifying my interest offered to lead me in prayer.
I won’t lie, I was totally hesitant at first. As we talked more however I could sense that this was an opportunity that I needed to take. So I held hands with a total stranger who lead me in prayer and it was awesome.
My thing is this; it certainly doesn’t hurt to pray. Logically, taking a moment to reflect upon gratitude and direction in your life is just a smart thing to do. And for me, it just felt right. I don’t know if I will ever find religion but I know that I believe in something bigger than all this. I can feel it like the melody in my favorite song or the way I remember my children’s laughs. I didn’t fall in love with my wife the moment I first laid eyes on her because of a chemical reaction in my brain, it’s all just much bigger than that. I don’t know this to be true but I feel it.
I’m here to be the best father and husband I can be. It’s a process and one which entails being healthy in all areas. I think perhaps I am identifying a need for spiritual health. Wherever that takes me I will go so boldly. I’m stumbling through. Today I held hands with a complete stranger who lead me in prayer, and it was awesome.