Top 10 dangerous things that dads should do with kids.

Sure, fatherhood is about love and tenderness and all that other crap; but it’s also about introducing the most dangerously, fun things to them at an inappropriately young age. In theory, we are teaching them to handle new skills in a safe and responsible way. In truth, we are just waiting from the moment they are born for the day that they can finally hang. So hold my beer, this is my list of the top 10 dangerous things that dads should do with their kids.

10. Using power tools. This one is fun and practical. If you’re like me, (effectively useless at fixing stuff), then it’s a twofer deal. I get to learn how to use the power tools and then pretend like I know what I’m doing in front of my kids. They think I’m awesome and I haven’t lost a finger yet.

9. Shooting guns. I know, some of you reading this are of the opinion that guns are evil. Guns are not evil but they are extremely dangerous; especially if you dont know anything about them. In today’s world, gun safety is paramount. Also in today’s world, gun proficiency can save your life. Hunting is a skill that can put non GMO, organic meat in your freezer. Learning how to respect and handle a firearm is an essential skill.

8. Cooking. If you can cook well, you can eat well. Few things give me more pride in this world than preparing a delicious meal for my family. I want my kids to possess this skill and that means handling sharp knives, fire and hot grease. The kitchen is no place for the meek.

7. Playing sports. For the overwhelming majority of us, playing any sport professionally will simply never happen. This is exactly the reason to do it when you are a kid. That kind of competition just doesn’t present itself to you past a certain age. I suppose it’s because past a certain age we learn to respect the feeble nature of our body. So get your kids in sports now while they still believe they are invincible and then enjoy the competition vicariously through them. Look for me in ten years at high school sporting events. I’ll be the shirtless dad in body paint losing his mind over a bad call.

6. Roller coasters, water slides and carnival rides. There’s nothing more exhilarating than trusting the lives that are most precious to you to the hands of that guy with the neck tattoos and the PallMall hanging from his lip. G-force is sweet and feeling those rusty bearings rumble is just the cherry on top of the sunday.

5. Playing pranks on mom. Leaving an almost dead spider on the kids’ toilette seat is a valuable lesson in the merits of humor. Collaborating with the kids to leave it on mom’s toilette seat is just comedy in action. She might not let on that she finds it funny but the laughter of the family unit basically drowns out the murder soundtrack that is her unentertained shrieks.

4. Fighting. Play fight because it’s way fun. Teach them to actually fight because it’s way valuable. I dont believe that violence is ever the solution to a problem but unfortunately there are people in this world who do. Prepare your kids for this possibility. It builds confidence to know that you can kick ass if you need to. Also it burns calories.

3. Eating junk food. I know that eating healthy is important because my wife tells me so. That said, her stomach is weak and can’t handle the slightest deviation from her heavily regulated diet. As for myself, I can basically consume toxic sludge with little more than slight indigestion. I basically consider myself the Batman of fast food. So when I let my kids consume endless quantities of garbage, it’s just super heroes training.

2. Watching scary movies. I dont really have a great justification for this other than the fact that my wife won’t watch horror movies with me since we had kids. So they are all I have. Being scared is fun and a little paranoia goes a long way towards protecting oneself from the evil undead.

  1. Just winging it. It always comes back to this. It’s both one of the most dangerous and beneficial characteristics to possess. Planning is cool and all but having the confidence to just wing it will get shit done. I want my kids to get shit done, even if it is a little dangerous.