The way back

As I awoke to winter’s first kiss, our gentle landscape, freshly blanketed in the season’s first snowfall; I found myself thinking, “screw this.”

I was alone in my room, mourning the windshields that needed scraping and the sidewalks that needed shoveling. I stood there in my bedroom with my nose pressed firmly against the icy glass, a single, sorrowful tear freezing upon my cheek.

Fifteen feet away, my children were in the living room, drawing faces in the window frost and dreaming of the sleds they would race and the snow balls they would hurl.

Today, I realized that my adult perspective on reality is dumb. Somewhere along the way, I just started bitching about the weather. It’s as if one day, that exuberance that is the magic of childhood, died a tragic death and then came back in the haunting form of the zombie of fun where I boringly lament that which I have no control over.

Somewhere along the way, I grew up into a big, stupid grown up… I need to find the way back.

I literally couldn’t comprehend why my kids were so excited to go out into the frigid wasteland that is this time of year and play; until I went out with them. They slogged through the snow with big stupid smiles on their faces, their snow pants swishing all the way. They rode sleds on our tiny backyard hill as if it were the grandest adventure imaginable. They froze their fingers red and then came inside and drank hot cocoa like champions.

Today, they were champions and I was reminded of what that really means. A champion is one who sees the world as something that is to be conquered, not endured. Adulthood has a way of sucking the fun out of you. When the fun is gone, the fight is lost. When the fight is lost, we stop looking for hills to conquer.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m going to quit bitching about the weather, cold turkey. I am however, going to attempt to learn something from my kids in this moment. I’m going to try to grow up enough in order to shed my juvenile, grown up perspective and appreciate the wonder that is whatever the day presents me with. I’m looking for some hills to conquer.

I’m going to find the way back.