A criminal mastermind…

I was deeply entrenched into the heart of negotiations with my four year old regarding the equitable split of chocolate, orange slices.

It was too late in the evening, you see for him to be eating chocolate but I am a grown man, a free man who will eat chocolate orange slices whenever I please. Nevertheless, I was put into a compromising situation when the four year old caught me sneaking my four, chocolate, orange slices into the living room.

“I want two chocolate, orange slices.” He said.

The little brat wanted half of my stash.

It was a fair deal, as far as shakedowns are concerned but it failed to take into consideration the fact that I am five times his size and not the one with a chocolate curfew. Again, I am a free man. So I countered his demand with an offer of one, chocolate, orange slice.

He looked me dead in the eye, his steely gaze unwavering as he sauntered forward confidently. He moved like the setting of the sun; a purposeful and inevitable force…

I set my four chocolate, orange slices down on the table and prepared myself for battle. True justice was on my side and I was ready to advocate strongly for my position when he did the unspeakable.

He snatched up the entirety of my chocolate orange slice stash, shoved them in his mouth and then ran away giggling over his stolen, chocolate mouthful.

I sat there helplessly watching my delicious treats be devoured before my very eyes. The worst part though was the realization that I had just been so easily had. He never intended to enter into peaceful negotiations with me, this was a heist job from the very beginning. I was just another easy mark.

I told my wife this story and she shared with me that this exact scenario had unfolded earlier in the day with his older brother.

Apparently he’s been conning and thieving his whole family for some time now. It’s always the innocent looking ones that we must beware of.

I must admit that I am oddly proud. His resourcefulness is inspiring. From now on though, I will be more cautious and try to remember that I am living with a criminal mastermind.