I love you

I fell enough in love that I could no longer tolerate fear.

I was brave enough to ask my would be wife to dance. I sat by my newborn son on a plane through a thunderstorm to the St. Luke’s NICU. We welcomed a second son and a third and I watched my wife put on a brave face while she flew north to the NICU in Billings with him. We’ve fought and we’ve cried and we’ve failed miserably and we’ve succeeded gloriously. We have feared for the safety of our children and the health of our marriage. We’ve feared for our salvation and for how we would pay the damn mortgage but ultimately we have endured by the simple fact that our love has outweighed our fear.

This pandemic has inspired a new level of fear, one that permeates every level of our existence because it has eroded the foundational structures that we took for granted. I haven’t written for months now because I was trepidatious in the face of the unknown. The only intellectually honest statement that can be made right now is that there aren’t any great answers to our problems. Ultimately the decisions that we make regarding the safety of our loved ones while still striving to find passion for our lives is a very personal choice that should be free of societal judgment. However, the very structure of social distancing in the era of digital, social media had only exacerbated the ideological imperialism which is arbitrarily cherry picking issues and dividing us into a two team world as if “us” cannot exist without a “them” to hate.

I learned how to love by becoming a father. God led me to my wife so that I was able to learn this lesson and then having a family led me to God so that I could appreciate it. This is a small thing that I know to be true but it’s one that I can find courage in. More importantly though it may inform what I do next.

I live to be inspired. The moment that we allow ourselves to become something that prioritizes fear over love is the moment that we lose our humanity. We should of course continue to responsibly mitigate the risk of this pandemic but let us not lose sight of the fact that life is a thing which should be lived and loved. What is your reason to be inspired today? More importantly, how will you inspire another?

I have been in hiding because I thought that I didn’t have any good answers but I actually have the only right answer ever, I love. I love my wife, I love my kids and I love you. What else is there?

I intend to write more because I love it but I would like to challenge you as well. Do what you love. Forget this nonsense about 2020 being some terrible year. What if this is your last year? Do what you love. Find inspiration. Inspire yourself and your loved ones… inspire me! Just love more than you fear.