Tonight, in preparation for the first Monday of 2021, we tucked all the kids into bed, promptly at 8 o’clock. They got up for water at 8:10, 8:15 and 8:20. My wife then forgot that they needed to clip their fingernails and that process took 20 minutes. They were back in bed by a quarter to nine when the dogs remembered that their ancestors were wolves and they needed to sprint back and forth throughout the house, high on moonlight and the sounds of their own barks. This reminded the kids that they too are descended from wolves and suddenly, the majority of lifeforms in my house were simply running in circles and screaming. My wife stared at me dissaprovingly, as if this mess was my fault. I opted not to point out that if not for her dedication to finger nail hygiene, the kids would be sleeping. Instead, I stood up and ran in circles screaming at the kids. They settled down and then got up for more water at 9:15, 9:20 and 9:25. We then watched 23 seconds of Cobra Kai before one of the big kids hit the small one in the face for reasons unknown. We hugged the little one, made the big one say sorry and then sent them back to bed. They then got up for more water at 9:45, 9:50 and 10:00. We watched another 12 seconds of Cobra Kai when for reasons unknown the little kid hit one of the big kids in the face and another fight ensued. We jumped up to stop the fight before it got out of hand which triggered the dogs to once again rediscover their wolf ancestry while we hugged the big one and made the little one apologize. Everyone was crying now which made them thirsty and they all had to get more water. Then they had to pee which I guess made them thirsty because there was another round of drinks. I then grounded the kids from ever drinking water again for the rest of their lives. It was 11:00 by the time the kids were in bed and the dogs settled down. 3 more seconds into Cobra Kai and my wife has fallen asleep on me which is a problem because I need a drink of water and I have to pee.
Strike first, strike hard, no mercy. Monday, here we come.