Tag Archives: mom

The battle at Self checkout.

The other day, I accidentally made direct eye contact with the guy in front of me at self checkout in the grocery store. I was just kind of zoning out while my kids ran a chaotic 30 foot perimeter of destruction around me. As it turns out my zoning out face was perfectly pointed at this random guy in front

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Pissin in the wind.

Life is that moment of peace on a Monday morning before the kids are up. It’s the burbling coffee pot, audibly intimate and aromatically arousing. Life is also that moment directly after the kids have risen from their slumber only to sabotage your tranquility with cantankerous gripes and spilled orange juice. It’s Cap’n Crunch crunch berries crunched under bare feet

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My kids are my super power.

Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider, Batman’s insanely rich parents were murdered in front of him and I knocked up my girlfriend when I was 24. Every superhero has a tragic backstory; this is mine. It was the summer of 2008. I drank a lot of beer but I also drank a lot of whiskey. Looking back, I

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