Tag Archives: parenting

Top 10 ways to not raise a chuckledick

The other day at the restaurant, I had these two customers come in. They were both grown men who I would guess were in their 40’s. They each had a certain roughness to their demeanor, a callousness. It was immediately clear that these guys didn’t waste time on social luxuries like smiling or manners. They smirked but only while loudly

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The battle at Self checkout.

The other day, I accidentally made direct eye contact with the guy in front of me at self checkout in the grocery store. I was just kind of zoning out while my kids ran a chaotic 30 foot perimeter of destruction around me. As it turns out my zoning out face was perfectly pointed at this random guy in front

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Pissin in the wind.

Life is that moment of peace on a Monday morning before the kids are up. It’s the burbling coffee pot, audibly intimate and aromatically arousing. Life is also that moment directly after the kids have risen from their slumber only to sabotage your tranquility with cantankerous gripes and spilled orange juice. It’s Cap’n Crunch crunch berries crunched under bare feet

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